Jan 19th

Up reasonably early to catch the fag end of the Australia/ India Test match. Had a lesson with A who remarkably managed to keep the car on the black bits between the pavements for the entirety of the lesson. Got back and on to AOL . Surprisingly they are experiencing higher than usual call levels! I know damm well that when I eventually get through to them I am going to have to repeat yesterday’s exercise from the beginning, as I will not be allowed onto the level 2 operative until I have. Start on hold with something I have never heard of, followed by "Street Life"...who was that by.........Donna Summer?? Could check it out on Google I suppose ha fucking ha. Up next is "until somebody loves you" Frankie Vaughan?? My memory is deteriorating swiftly in sympathy with my body. It’s so bloody shoddy! In the remotely unlikely instance that we get a record we like it is cut off in mid stream ad replaced with something else after a ten second pause put there deliberately to get you thinking you might be about to talk to someone. "Speaking of Happiness" was obviously chosen by one of AOL’s online dommes with a wry sadistic smile, and as the wait enters it’s second quarter of an hour some unfunky jazz instrumental is glued to my lughole. Minutes later and Dusty is back with the "Son of a Preacher Man" and then another wit from AOL has chosen the aptly titled "You’re nobody" next up.
Half way though the next track and suddenly there’s a ring tone!!!!!!
A voice comes gurgling down the line. He sounds as though he’s in a tank of water. I can’t hear a word. He can’t hear me. "CAN YOU RING ME BACK"
"I am afaraid I cannot ring you back"
"You can, you have done it before"
With that I am back on hold and the cuddly Barry White is telling me I’m his first, his last and his everything" What a change of tone!!!
Suddenly the fish man is back and he gurgles that he’s checked and I am connected to the internet. I try to bring up a web page. Nothing.
"Can I put you on hold??"
This call has now taken up half an hour of my life.
"What if I get cut off again"
"Gurgle gurgle...I can assure you you will not get cut off"
"I did last night"
Back onto hold and a new sound of the sixties frustratingly let’s go of it’s intro, but before I can Name that Tune it is cut and replaced by some nondescript sub Motowny soul type affair
My man is back. He is going to arrange a call back from an AOL level 2 techinican.
This will take between 1-2 hours.Or possibly 2-3 hours, or maybe within a day.
"Why don’t we try going through the troubleshooting proedure?"
"We already have"
"I really think I can help you if......"
"Do it"
"Gurgle gurgle gurgle"
"Do it!"
"Gurgle gurgle gurgle"
"DO IT"
"Gurgle"
"DO IT"
The phone cuts off.
That’s it. Enough. Onto AOL cancellation line. Whilst they are strangely experiencing higher than usual call levels, the phone is answered within a minute. Again the phone line is almost inaudible, though this time the accent is from across the Irish Sea rather than the Indian Ocean.
Amy is very sympathetic though can hardly hear me at all. She will connect me immediately with a level two technician.
"Hurrah!!!!!!"
The phone rings...... and YESSSSSSS!!!!!!
"It’s Barry White again....My first, my last , my everything!!!"
Afte another ten minutes I've had enough so I redial the cancellation line.....high volume of calls...waiting longer than normal..Donna Summer again
The next girl will Talk to the Level 2 technician before she puts me through, and Hey Presto she does, and within 2 mins the guy has it sorted and I am back online. What a bloody shambles.
They obviously follow the Natwest business model. a whole bunch of helpful willing souls whose every day must be made a misery being snarled at by gits like me who are ripping their teeth at at the total thoughtless, don't give a fuck attitude of the sytems put in place by the idiots who run the show. You can just imagine some twat of a CEO flying around the world in his AOHell supplied Lear jet drinking champagne, looking down and thinking a great big "Fuck You" to all the twats like me paying their £30 a month to keep him there.
Out for a lesson with Sophie. Still doing fine. Drop her off to some non specific beauty treatment, and then get called to collect her a coupl of hours later.
Suggst a meal in the "Three Horseshoes" and go there with Heather. Arrive there for the last knockings. No swordfish and no Tuna which are the two thingshad set my heart on. The gb's a dissapointment frankly. I had fond memories after the other evening, but following this I wouldnt rush back.